Friday, March 23, 2007

One of those famous surveys....

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Nanny
2. Deli Lady
3. Newspaper Delivery
4. Accounting Assistant
Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. 28 Days
2. Dead Poets Society
3. 7 Brides for 7 Brothers
4. ET

Four places you have lived:
1. Massachusetts
2. Utah
3. Virgina
4. Maryland

Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. Desperate Housewives
2. Scrubs
3. The Office
4. King of Queens

Four places you have been on vacation:
1. Disney World
2. California
3. Las Vegas
4. New York City

Four favorite foods:
1. Triple Chocolate Drumstick
2. Fruit rignt now it is strawberries
3. Panini
4. Tyler's Mexician food

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. by the beach
2. on the porch of my new home, drinking lemonade
3. done with being pregnant
4. did i say by the beach?

Abbys Bday

So I really really spoiled my little girl for her bday. Seriously, I am feeling guilty and I'm not even done. This will be the only time that it is near this bad, hey she is going to be the only child for only 1 time in her life and I went all out.

We went to Build a Bear, shopping for her new clothes in Park City, Presents, Cupcakes, TONS OF BALLOONS, a dog banner. Then we are going to the zoo, to dinner and having ANOTHER party with another cake and more presents on Sunday.

You know what I really loved though, she is a little girl now not a baby. And I really have been thinking latley, I still cannot believe how much I love her. I never knew I could love something this much and it grows and grows every month. I feel lucky every day to be her mom, and I miss her if I am every away, every morning when I wake up I am running to go get her out of bed because I am so excited to see her. I just cannot believe how much I love having her. Being a mom is the best, it really is.

I am nervous about having another one with them being so close. But I am so excited to get to have another baby that I will love just as much. I think after I give birth it will be a lot different than with Abby. I bonded with her after a couple of days, not at first. At first I was still scared out of my mind and hurting, so I let Tyler totally take over, then later on in the day I felt the love. I am looking forward to feeling that love right when she comes out. Man, I love all of my babies that I've never met so much already. I love all the babies that I hopefully get to adopt someday too. And I love all of my nieces and nephews that haven't come yet and the ones that are here.

I wuv you Abby baby girl.

Why I need a house NOW

By the way as of now I have a house to move into and my house is under contract WOO HOO!!

Just so you know we do have some offers on my house so this is an EXCITED list.

1. I will not trip over the dogs all day long

2. All of Tyler's business papers will be downstairs in an office not EVERYWHERE

3. I will not have to silence everybody in the house every time the business line rings

4. Abby will not wake up from Tyler's loud voice while on business calls

5. I can have people over!

6. I can have people over who hate dogs and it won't bother them because I will put them away

7. I will have a bedroom for my new baby

8. We will be buying a king sized bed and HAVE ROOM FOR IT!

9. I will not have to listen to Tyler go to the bathroom because that is not a turn on, for HOURS after

10. I will be able to let Abby cry herself back to sleep when she wakes to early and it won't make the neighbors mad

11. I will not have people walking by my front window and peeking in all day long.

12. The dogs will not get worried from all the people walking by

13. I will not have to be HOA President anymore so I will not have to deal with stupid rentors, picking up other dogs poop and other people's litter

14. Abby will have room to RUN and ride her bike and HAVE FUN!

15. I will not feel like I need to always be out of the house

16. I can get some new furniture!

17. I can have more than one bathroom!

18. I will have a backyard!!!

19. I will have a front yard!!
20. I will have a garage!!

21. I will feel like a real grownup!

22. I can plant flowers, I really want to plant my herbs and flowers!

23. I can have a garden, I love gardens.

24. I can have STORAGE SPACE!

25. My place won't feel cluttered, because I really don't have much stuff at all!

26. Every closet won't be packed full

27. Abby and Tyler won't have to share a closet

28. I will have room for food storage, I really need to start on that.

29. I will have a pantry!!


So What

So what if...

I STILL have 10 pounds to loose and I'm already pregnant again

So what if...

I cannot for the life of me figure out how to do my eyebrows

So what if...

I waste to much time on myspace

So what if...

The bottom of my feet always look like I have been walking outside, I think they are stained that way

So what if...

I get nervous meeting new people

So what if...

People don't like my dogs

So what if...

I still have not figured out how to do hair or makeup

So what if....

My friends think its silly that I'm mormon or a mom so young

So what if...

Lots of days I just feel like being a loner

So what if....

I eat leftover desserts for breakfast

So what if...

my car is NEVER clean

So what if...

I always say stupid things

So what if...

I am a few inches taller than I'd like

So what if...

Abby is way to attached to me


I am Essa

I am Essa

i love i give i feel i hate i walk i shop i laugh i cry i play i smile i complain i eat i cook i clean i scrapbook i work out i cuddle i yell i annoy i hope i help i encourage i console i read

i am weird i am confused i am scared i am nice i am mean i am caring i am bratty i am random i am sarcastic i am mormon i am non trusting i am helping i am childish i am me

i love abby i love family i love kids i love new clothes i love church i love being lazy i love reading i love dreaming i love happiness i love writing i love being a mom

i want money i want health i want happiness i want friendship i want realness i want spontaneous i want joy i want freedom i want ben and jerrys half bakes i want school i want someone to be proud of me

i hate backstabbers i hate judgemental people i hate pain i hate heartbreak i hate tiredness i hate disrepect i hate death i hate inequality i hate deception i hate grown up life i hate budgets i hate seeing others hurt

I can't scratch ever be comfortable with the temperature I can't see someone cry without crying myself I can't see Abby without smiling I can't imagine my life without Tyler I can't drive without daydreaming

You are someone I don't trust You are never within reach You are my life You are my reason for living You are my role model You are my other half You are my laughs You are my smile You are me.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Pet Peeves

My newest pet peeve is....drumroll please I know you are dying to know....

Now listen I know that it is hard with kids, a messy husband, pets, a small condo. I know that once and awhile your house could just have stuff sitting out, really need a vacum, a sweep of the floor, pile of laundry... BUT there is no excuse for a house to be FILTHY! I have been in so many houses latley where it really looks like a house that has been abandonded and had vagrants living in it.

I work so hard to have a clean house because I want people to be able to feel comfortable in my home. It is not fair to your family, friends, others to come into a home where they are scared to put their baby on the couch or the floor, to be overcome with such foul smells. I just, isn't it embarassing for you?

If I have one more interview for a nanny job in a filthy house, I am going to walk out.

Is this to much to ask? Please Please, clean, clean your house!!

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My Favorite Smiles

Some of my favorite smiles of course include Abby
~ When I wake up open my eyes and she is staring at me and smiling
~ When she sees her Daddy and just grins ear to ear
~ When Rocco licks her feet or when Honey rests her head on her tummy, she gets this relaxed just so content looking smile, it's a hard one to explain

At Home
~ The smile I get when Tyler thinks I'm being "so cute"
~ The smiles I get when I rub the dogs bellies (yes dogs have smiles, you didn't know that?)

At Work
~ When I call Brooklyn a pretty girl, she thinks she is so speical and gives me the biggest smile
~ When I act silly with the kids, they think that is pretty funny and just giggle and giggle
~ When my teenage cousins actually laugh or smile at something I say, and that is hard to get out of teenage boys!

~ When Jonathan is having fun with Abby, she really loves him because he can just be silly!
~ My parents, when they are being sweet to eachother and just smile at eachother
~ When you finally get a smile our of a shy niece, that is a good smile

~ When you haven't seen a friend in awhile and you are so excited to just relax and chat!
~ When you see them happy with their new spouses, new babies

~ Ok best one, when they just smile at how darn cute Abby is!
~ Teenage daughters, out shopping with their moms, just having a good time, smiling at eachother
~ Kids playing outside, having fun, not worrying about anything


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How do you like being a Mom?

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Being A Mommy...
I get this question quite a bit, "So how do you like being a mommy?" Such a loaded question to ask so casually, so I usually answer just as casually, "It's great!"
I have been a mom my whole life. When I was little every night when everyone was sleeping I would go check on all of my brothers and sisters in the house. I would sing to Jonathan and Bryan while they were sleeping. I have always had a hard time sleeping, even when I was young. I was so intent on making sure that my little brothers were okay in their beds, I would constantly go to check if they were 'still breathing'. I remember when my cousin Dallas was born, I got to watch him quite a bit for my aunt while he was very little, I would just lay him on my chest and let him listen to my heart beat, I fell in love instantly.
Truth be told I would much rather be surrounded by children than adults, I just relate to them much easier. So simple, they love to laugh, play, just want to be lazy and cuddle when they are grumpy. You don't ever have to really wonder what they were trying to say, or worry about what they 'really' think about you. During church I would always want to go help in the nursery, every new place we moved I would find families I could baby-sit for. Being around children make me, well me, I am so happy and content. I just think I am pretty simple, flying a kit and sipping a slurpie on a spring day, thatÃ?s my idea of my "perfect" day.
I loved being a nanny, I gave my all to the families I worked for. I will always hold a special place in my heart for Sarah, Rachel, Dylan, Dallas, Tyler, Keithie, Parker, Matt, Tedders, Alex, Sophie, Mr. Max, and Nick. I miss them so much, I was heartbroken to have to move away from them. I have been waiting to have one of my own my whole life. I would always see how much they loved their moms, such a pure love. Whenever their feelings were hurt, they felt down, they had another kid call them a bad name, who do they look for? Their moms. I always wondered what it would be like to have my own love me that much.
ItÃ?s amazing, my favorite part of the day is when I wake up. Sometimes Abby will wake up at about 4am so she will just sleep with me for a couple hours. When I wake up and open my eyes the first thing I see is this beautiful baby girl with big eyes looking up and me with such love and happiness. Every day I wake up I am so thankful. She is so happy to see me, when I get down on the floor and giggle and laugh with her, when I read her stories, when I sing her songs, when I tell her stories. Being a mom has made me, me. I feel so complete. Sure I have goals that I would like to accomplish in the next few years. But I have completed the one that means the most to me. I want to become the best mother I can and the best woman I can for my children to look up to. I have a lot of work to do and I am looking forward to it.
So how is it to be a mommy?. This is the reply I should give, "The most amazing, beautiful, pure, lovely thing in the whole world."

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